So i’m reading http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/index-9.html and here are a few lines i’m still laughing over…
Little girl exiting restroom: Mommy! I’m not afraid to have a baby anymore!
Little girl: I just had the biggest poop ever!
Teen boy: I really think that in Dracula the vampire dude is trying to bring the sexy back to England.
Young thug to friends: She makes me all romantic… Like, I want to fuck her under the stars and shit.
Little boy: Who’s Buddha?
Grandfather: He’s the Jesus of China.
Teen girl #1: I think Jack’s about to break up with me again…
Teen girl #2: What? Why?
Teen girl #1: Yesterday I went to his MySpace, and he moved me to the bottom of his Top Eight!
Bearded, earlocked rabbi jumping out of mitzvah mobile: You, you’re Jewish — come in and hear what we have to say.
Shiksa: I’m not Jewish.
Bearded, earlocked rabbi: Yes you are, I can tell. Your mother is Jewish.
Shiksa: No one in my family is Jewish.
Bearded, earlocked rabbi: Maybe no one in your family practices, but Jewish blood is strong, and I can tell you have it.
Shiksa: Leave me alone or I’ll throw bacon at you.
Teen girl #1: He broke up with me on Facebook!
Teen girl #2: Like, on your wall?
Teen girl #1: No, he just changed his status back to ‘Single’!
Drunk NYU dude: Dude, check it out! Spartacus!
Tipsy NYU dude: What?!
Drunk NYU dude: See? Spartacus!
Tipsy NYU dude: Dude, that says, ‘Supercuts.’
Blonde #1: Look — a statue of Gandhi.
Blonde #2: Look how skinny he is.
Blonde #1: I’m hella-jealous.
Blonde #2: Ditto. I wonder how he did it.
Blonde #1: Anorexia, probably.
Blonde #2: Figures. Maybe him and Nicole Richie are related [giggles].
Blonde #1: I don’t get it — she’s not Indian, is she?
Girl: And it’s, like, strike two. You’re totally not getting a baby gift when I find out you’re preggers on Facebook.
Woman: I just saw a girl go into the men’s bathroom.
Girl: That’s my boyfriend!
Woman: I’d kill to have that hair.
Cube dweller: Do not Google ‘Britney Spears’ vagina.’ All you get is porn.
Secretary: Well, I’m out for the rest of the day. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment.
Coworker: Oh, have fun!
Secretary: Yeah… Because nothing says ‘party’ like bloodwork and pap smears…