Trying to rid the world of dueling denim…..

…and not very successfully I might add.

New territory…brain can not compute. May 17, 2007

Filed under: i'm retarded,Ryan — rmbutler @ 12:22 am

The boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months, this far exceeds any relationship I have ever had.  I always feel that when I tell people this they think that maybe i’m unstable? or unfaithful? or just can’t keep a man.  I could be all of these things or none of these… i would like to think that i’m just picky? 
I’ve been having these horrible dreams of infidelity and just general horribleness… my psychology degree kicks in and immediately I know it’s my sleeping brain trying to work through the fears of my waking brain.  (that’s the easy way of saying it without getting all complicated) I just don’t know how this is suppose to go.  I’m so happy and sadly i’m just not use to that lasting for this long.  I’m kind of liking it.  Then I go to sleep and the fear of losing it just takes over my brain.  It’s horrible because it’s not one of those dreams where you immediately forget it.  I will remember bits and pieces throughout the day.  The horrible images my imagination blessed upon me the night before are replayed in my idle brain.  Even the feelings that I felt in the dream are as real as if it had just happened.  There are no justifications for these dreams, no reason for my brain to be thinking this… the only thing I can think of is that I’m just not use to it.  In my experience, this is about the time the heartbreak happens… and since i’m happy my brain is just not sure what to do.  I need to just chill out and stop being such a chick… but I just want one night of dreamlessness that isn’t wine induced. 


2 Responses to “New territory…brain can not compute.”

  1. Leah Says:

    Hey… there’s nothing wrong with wine-induced dreamlessness 😉

    I can’t figure out why it wouldn’t let me leave a comment on the last blog… I was so excited that it was updated for me!

    I’m glad everything is still peachy with Ryan! You deserve it!!!

  2. Leah Says:

    Remember when this happened at MSU? That guy getting fired for plagiarism? That’s not the point of me sending the link though…. the main point is what the guy is wearing in his picture 😉

    Hope you had fun in Vegas! Only 25 days to go 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s